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string(12993) "At first glance, the title might seem like a contradiction; how can you hate someone you
love at the same time? But relationships can be complicated and don’t have to be perfect to be healthy, contrary to what many
romantic comedies want you to believe.
Just because you might experience negative feelings towards your partner doesn’t mean that you should end the relationship. In fact, feeling like you hate your boyfriend is pretty common in
relationships.
Is it normal to hate your boyfriend?
If the thought ‘I hate my partner’ has ever crossed your mind, you aren’t alone. In a 2014’s experiment, researchers
investigated implicit feelings participants had towards their significant others by asking them to classify words into negative and positive categories after seeing their partner’s name pop up on the screen.
Even if a participant initially reported experiencing positive feelings about their partner, they were as quick to categorise words into negative categories as into positive categories, which implies that people in loving relationships might experience negative emotions without being conscious of them.
While feeling hate for your partner might not seem ideal, it’s completely normal. If you think about it, it’s impossible to experience only positive emotions in regard to anything in life and intimate relationships aren’t an exception. You can care for someone deeply but their behaviour might still evoke negative feelings in you such as
anger, disgust and upset.
Additionally, even though you feel like you hate your boyfriend sometimes, there might be some other emotions underneath hate that you aren’t completely aware of.
For example, if you shout that you hate him during an argument, the feeling and the words might just be just a reaction to being
hurt. In any case, just because you might not always feel love for your boyfriend doesn’t necessarily mean that your relationship is doomed or that you’re doing anything wrong.
[subscribe-form]
How to cope with feeling negative emotions towards your partner?
Even though those feelings are normal, they might still be upsetting to experience and make you wonder if it’s you or the relationship. If you’re
worried, there are plenty of ways to cope with feeling hate towards your boyfriend.
Learn to recognise your emotions and accept them
In most cases, what you feel towards your boyfriend isn’t deeply-rooted hate but another
emotion that comes from an unresolved
conflict or is difficult to identify. In order to become more attuned to your
mental state, try to get used to sitting down with your thoughts by simply focusing on your breath and observing what’s going through your mind.
You might find out that you’re feeling betrayed because your boyfriend chose to hang out with his
friends over spending time with you, upset because he keeps crossing your
boundaries or feel like your needs aren’t being met for any other reason. Becoming
aware of what you experience can help you
accept those emotions, which is the first step to resolving the problem and improving your relationship.
Consider what might be triggering your emotions
Once you’ve learned how to pay attention to your
thoughts and emotions, you’ll be able to recognise which behaviours trigger these kinds of feelings. However, instead of asking yourself, ‘Why do I hate my boyfriend’ it’s also important to dig deeper and consider why you might find certain behaviours upsetting.
For example, you might be afraid of being abandoned because you were hurt by previous partners and every time your boyfriend fails to respond to your text, that fear is being triggered.
Being aware of the reason you feel the way you do can help you deepen the connection between you and your partner, and prevent future arguments. You can gain some clarity by experimenting with the ‘word association’ exercise. Picture the scenario that makes you feel like you hate your boyfriend and try to identify words that resurface in your mind when you do.
If you find it difficult to pinpoint why you feel this way, it’s worth looking into
therapy. Working with the right
therapist can help you make sense of your emotions, improve your
self-esteem and teach you
coping skills that allow you to enjoy your relationship more.
Work on your communication skills
Did you know that according to multiple
studies, conflict in relationships can be beneficial and even predict higher
satisfaction? That is as long as partners are ready to work through their differences and refuse to
ignore the problem.
Instead of making your habit to keep it all in and acting passive-aggressive by giving your boyfriend a silent treatment or resorting to having angry
sex as a distraction, learn how to talk about your
emotions. Even though opening up might seem scary and make you feel out of
control, communication is a part of every
healthy relationship.
Make sure that you choose the right time to talk when both of you have enough time to
resolve the problem. To avoid turning a conversation into an argument, remember not to use accusatory language and try to begin every sentence with ‘I’, for example, ‘I feel abandoned when you’re online but don’t answer my texts’.
When you’re hurt, it’s easy to blame your partner for what you think they do wrong but remember that to make a relationship work both parties have to make an effort and that often involves becoming more understanding of each other’s shortcomings. At the same time, don’t be afraid to be assertive and set boundaries; explain to your boyfriend how you’d like his behaviour to change and why.
Spend some time apart
If negative feelings towards your partner are triggered often and there doesn’t seem to be any particular reason behind them, you might benefit from having a
break. Spending some time apart can give you the mental space to figure out why you might be feeling this way and whether your relationship is still good for your
mental health.
While sometimes experiencing strong emotions towards a partner is your body’s way of letting you know that you need some time alone like every healthy couple does, it might also be a sign that you’re no longer compatible. Remember to trust your gut instinct; some things aren’t meant to be and that’s okay.
Learn to be comfortable with the uncomfortable
Have you ever dreamt of meeting that one special person who can make life seem simple and beautiful? If you hold an
unrealistic view of what a relationship should be like, it’s not surprising that you might sometimes feel resentful that your partner doesn’t live up to those expectations.
Forget what the
media says about relationships; you don’t have to date a ‘perfect match’ to be happy and having such a high expectation will only make you feel disappointed and frustrated. Instead, accept that everyone has flaws and that disagreements aren’t unhealthy.
If you want to feel more
secure and
confident in your relationship, you can always set some
goals that will make you look forward to the future and strengthen the bond between you and your
partner. For example, you can introduce a rule that whenever you feel any negative emotions, you have to write them down and compare notes with your partner or that you go on a date every week even if you’ve just had an argument.
Having a routine that allows you to work on
communication skills and forces you to focus on positives will make it easier to put things into perspective when you feel like you hate your boyfriend.
[improve-banner]
Closing thoughts
Feeling like you hate your boyfriend is normal and doesn’t necessarily mean that you aren’t compatible. It's a good idea to spend some time apart and see if these feelings subside. And if these feelings bother you, it’s worth digging deeper: what you think is hate might be various other negative emotions that can be processed through effective communication and
therapy.
In the end, no relationship is flawless, and acknowledging that such feelings can arise from time to time is a step toward understanding and resolving them with the support of
Calmerry."
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string(12993) "At first glance, the title might seem like a contradiction; how can you hate someone you
love at the same time? But relationships can be complicated and don’t have to be perfect to be healthy, contrary to what many
romantic comedies want you to believe.
Just because you might experience negative feelings towards your partner doesn’t mean that you should end the relationship. In fact, feeling like you hate your boyfriend is pretty common in
relationships.
Is it normal to hate your boyfriend?
If the thought ‘I hate my partner’ has ever crossed your mind, you aren’t alone. In a 2014’s experiment, researchers
investigated implicit feelings participants had towards their significant others by asking them to classify words into negative and positive categories after seeing their partner’s name pop up on the screen.
Even if a participant initially reported experiencing positive feelings about their partner, they were as quick to categorise words into negative categories as into positive categories, which implies that people in loving relationships might experience negative emotions without being conscious of them.
While feeling hate for your partner might not seem ideal, it’s completely normal. If you think about it, it’s impossible to experience only positive emotions in regard to anything in life and intimate relationships aren’t an exception. You can care for someone deeply but their behaviour might still evoke negative feelings in you such as
anger, disgust and upset.
Additionally, even though you feel like you hate your boyfriend sometimes, there might be some other emotions underneath hate that you aren’t completely aware of.
For example, if you shout that you hate him during an argument, the feeling and the words might just be just a reaction to being
hurt. In any case, just because you might not always feel love for your boyfriend doesn’t necessarily mean that your relationship is doomed or that you’re doing anything wrong.
[subscribe-form]
How to cope with feeling negative emotions towards your partner?
Even though those feelings are normal, they might still be upsetting to experience and make you wonder if it’s you or the relationship. If you’re
worried, there are plenty of ways to cope with feeling hate towards your boyfriend.
Learn to recognise your emotions and accept them
In most cases, what you feel towards your boyfriend isn’t deeply-rooted hate but another
emotion that comes from an unresolved
conflict or is difficult to identify. In order to become more attuned to your
mental state, try to get used to sitting down with your thoughts by simply focusing on your breath and observing what’s going through your mind.
You might find out that you’re feeling betrayed because your boyfriend chose to hang out with his
friends over spending time with you, upset because he keeps crossing your
boundaries or feel like your needs aren’t being met for any other reason. Becoming
aware of what you experience can help you
accept those emotions, which is the first step to resolving the problem and improving your relationship.
Consider what might be triggering your emotions
Once you’ve learned how to pay attention to your
thoughts and emotions, you’ll be able to recognise which behaviours trigger these kinds of feelings. However, instead of asking yourself, ‘Why do I hate my boyfriend’ it’s also important to dig deeper and consider why you might find certain behaviours upsetting.
For example, you might be afraid of being abandoned because you were hurt by previous partners and every time your boyfriend fails to respond to your text, that fear is being triggered.
Being aware of the reason you feel the way you do can help you deepen the connection between you and your partner, and prevent future arguments. You can gain some clarity by experimenting with the ‘word association’ exercise. Picture the scenario that makes you feel like you hate your boyfriend and try to identify words that resurface in your mind when you do.
If you find it difficult to pinpoint why you feel this way, it’s worth looking into
therapy. Working with the right
therapist can help you make sense of your emotions, improve your
self-esteem and teach you
coping skills that allow you to enjoy your relationship more.
Work on your communication skills
Did you know that according to multiple
studies, conflict in relationships can be beneficial and even predict higher
satisfaction? That is as long as partners are ready to work through their differences and refuse to
ignore the problem.
Instead of making your habit to keep it all in and acting passive-aggressive by giving your boyfriend a silent treatment or resorting to having angry
sex as a distraction, learn how to talk about your
emotions. Even though opening up might seem scary and make you feel out of
control, communication is a part of every
healthy relationship.
Make sure that you choose the right time to talk when both of you have enough time to
resolve the problem. To avoid turning a conversation into an argument, remember not to use accusatory language and try to begin every sentence with ‘I’, for example, ‘I feel abandoned when you’re online but don’t answer my texts’.
When you’re hurt, it’s easy to blame your partner for what you think they do wrong but remember that to make a relationship work both parties have to make an effort and that often involves becoming more understanding of each other’s shortcomings. At the same time, don’t be afraid to be assertive and set boundaries; explain to your boyfriend how you’d like his behaviour to change and why.
Spend some time apart
If negative feelings towards your partner are triggered often and there doesn’t seem to be any particular reason behind them, you might benefit from having a
break. Spending some time apart can give you the mental space to figure out why you might be feeling this way and whether your relationship is still good for your
mental health.
While sometimes experiencing strong emotions towards a partner is your body’s way of letting you know that you need some time alone like every healthy couple does, it might also be a sign that you’re no longer compatible. Remember to trust your gut instinct; some things aren’t meant to be and that’s okay.
Learn to be comfortable with the uncomfortable
Have you ever dreamt of meeting that one special person who can make life seem simple and beautiful? If you hold an
unrealistic view of what a relationship should be like, it’s not surprising that you might sometimes feel resentful that your partner doesn’t live up to those expectations.
Forget what the
media says about relationships; you don’t have to date a ‘perfect match’ to be happy and having such a high expectation will only make you feel disappointed and frustrated. Instead, accept that everyone has flaws and that disagreements aren’t unhealthy.
If you want to feel more
secure and
confident in your relationship, you can always set some
goals that will make you look forward to the future and strengthen the bond between you and your
partner. For example, you can introduce a rule that whenever you feel any negative emotions, you have to write them down and compare notes with your partner or that you go on a date every week even if you’ve just had an argument.
Having a routine that allows you to work on
communication skills and forces you to focus on positives will make it easier to put things into perspective when you feel like you hate your boyfriend.
[improve-banner]
Closing thoughts
Feeling like you hate your boyfriend is normal and doesn’t necessarily mean that you aren’t compatible. It's a good idea to spend some time apart and see if these feelings subside. And if these feelings bother you, it’s worth digging deeper: what you think is hate might be various other negative emotions that can be processed through effective communication and
therapy.
In the end, no relationship is flawless, and acknowledging that such feelings can arise from time to time is a step toward understanding and resolving them with the support of
Calmerry."
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Written by Joanna Cakala on August, 2022
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string(9722) "There is a common misconception that domestic violence equates direct physical abuse. Many people presume that if someone has not been physically abused, then they can’t be called a domestic violence survivor. Because of this narrow view of domestic violence, the insidious and far-reaching effects of other kinds of
abuse can sometimes go unacknowledged. Recognizing the importance of
emotional abuse therapy is essential in addressing the holistic impact of domestic violence.
What is domestic violence?
Domestic violence, which is also commonly referred to as domestic abuse or
intimate partner violence occurs between people in an intimate relationship. It can happen to anyone of any race, age,
gender, or
sexual orientation and regardless of their social, educational, or financial status.
Domestic violence is defined as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship when the abuser tries to gain or maintain control over the victim. Domestic violence takes place because abusive behavior is a deliberate choice of an abusive person. Abusers control their behavior all the time – they carefully choose whom, when, and where to abuse.
Not all abusive relationships involve physical violence. Abuse can take many forms, including also sexual, psychological, economic abuse, stalking, and threats of abuse. Emotional or verbal abuse is domestic violence as well.
Identifying the signs of domestic violence isn’t always easy because they don’t always appear right away. While some
relationships are clearly abusive from the outset, abusers often try to hide this part of themselves at first and may seem very attentive and protective. Abuse often starts subtly and gets worse over time.
Being in abusive relationships can destroy your
self-esteem, make you feel helpless, and lead to depression,
anxiety, and
panic attacks. In some cases, a victim may develop symptoms of PTSD such as flashbacks, intrusive thoughts, and nightmares. It can take time and often professional help in a form of domestic violence counseling to overcome these negative consequences.
Everyone deserves to feel valued, respected and safe, so abusive behavior is never acceptable in any relationship. But the danger of toxic relationships is that the abuse can be subtle and continue for years or even decades before someone realizes what’s going on.
Recognizing that your relationship is abusive is the first step to breaking free. Here are some subtle signs of domestic violence in relationships that don't include physical abuse.
[subscribe-form]
Isolating a partner from friends and family
It’s an early warning sign of domestic violence. An abusive partner may prevent or discourage you from visiting your
friends and
family alone and doing activities that you enjoy. They may always insist on accompanying you elsewhere and try to keep you from socializing.
For example, when you have plans to go out, they may beg you not to go or come up with a distraction. Or they might say that they don't like spending time with your family or friends, and only want to hang out with you alone. They might even start claiming that your family members are controlling you or that they don’t really care about you.
An abusive person uses these tactics to isolate the victim from their support system. Then it will be easier for them to establish control.
Trying to control a partner using gaslighting tactics
It’s a common form of emotional abuse that can leave the victim to question their memory, judgments, and perception of reality. An abusive partner may try to convince you that your
emotions, feelings and thoughts are wrong.
They may deny that specific events or arguments have happened or insist that you did something you didn’t. They may also deny their earlier promises, pretend they don’t understand you, and refuse to listen to you.
Gaslighting can make you feel like you’re losing your mind. Over time the person that is being
gaslighted may come to question all their own thoughts and becomes even more
dependent on the abuser.
Passing blame onto a partner
A person that is emotionally abusing you may deny responsibility for their own actions like cheating or yelling. They blame you for their toxic behavior or tell you that you deserve it, trying to make you feel that most things are your fault.
For example, they may point to actions that they claim you did wrong, and say that it “made them” abuse you. An abusive person may even suggest you’re the one with
anger issues, or say they only lose their temper because you’re such a difficult person.
They may constantly accuse you of
cheating even when they have no evidence to support this. They may even blame you for their problems when things go wrong. They might say their life would be better if only you’ve been a more supportive partner.
Your partner tries to control your actions
It may start with something that isn’t abusive at all and just seems like a normal relationship behavior when a person is caring. But over time, it builds into a pattern of control where an abusive partner wants to know where you are, who you are with, and what you're doing at all times.
They may constantly check in with you and ask what you’re doing and insist you respond to calls or texts immediately. They expect that you can be reachable at any point so not answering a phone can become a big deal.
They may demand your passwords to spy on you digitally and regularly check your emails, browsing history, texts, and call logs. They might even tell you what to
wear, what and how much to eat, how to clean the house, or which people you can spend time with.
Passive-aggressive tactics
Passive-aggressive comments and behaviors can be early warning signs that someone may become emotionally abusive. A passive-aggressive husband may use such tactics to exert their control over situations in a less direct or recognizable way.
Some passive-aggressive behaviors include:
- Making backhanded compliments
- Giving you the silent treatment
- Using sarcasm when responding to your requests
- Procrastinating when you’ve asked them to do something
- Making excuses rather than saying what is on their mind
[improve-banner]
Final thought
Non-physical domestic violence can harm a person mentally, emotionally and psychologically. If these warning signs are all too familiar, you should know that the abuse that is happening to you is not your fault, and you don’t have to live with it. Remember: no one deserves to be abused. Still, the only way to break the emotional abuse cycle is to take action so you can get the support you need.
Start by telling someone about the abuse, whether it's a trusted friend, family member, neighbor, coworker, or another close contact. Reach out to a
mental health professional, or consider seeking support from
Calmerry, where discussing the experience with a
therapist can help you rebuild your self-esteem that was damaged in the abusive relationship."
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string(9722) "There is a common misconception that domestic violence equates direct physical abuse. Many people presume that if someone has not been physically abused, then they can’t be called a domestic violence survivor. Because of this narrow view of domestic violence, the insidious and far-reaching effects of other kinds of
abuse can sometimes go unacknowledged. Recognizing the importance of
emotional abuse therapy is essential in addressing the holistic impact of domestic violence.
What is domestic violence?
Domestic violence, which is also commonly referred to as domestic abuse or
intimate partner violence occurs between people in an intimate relationship. It can happen to anyone of any race, age,
gender, or
sexual orientation and regardless of their social, educational, or financial status.
Domestic violence is defined as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship when the abuser tries to gain or maintain control over the victim. Domestic violence takes place because abusive behavior is a deliberate choice of an abusive person. Abusers control their behavior all the time – they carefully choose whom, when, and where to abuse.
Not all abusive relationships involve physical violence. Abuse can take many forms, including also sexual, psychological, economic abuse, stalking, and threats of abuse. Emotional or verbal abuse is domestic violence as well.
Identifying the signs of domestic violence isn’t always easy because they don’t always appear right away. While some
relationships are clearly abusive from the outset, abusers often try to hide this part of themselves at first and may seem very attentive and protective. Abuse often starts subtly and gets worse over time.
Being in abusive relationships can destroy your
self-esteem, make you feel helpless, and lead to depression,
anxiety, and
panic attacks. In some cases, a victim may develop symptoms of PTSD such as flashbacks, intrusive thoughts, and nightmares. It can take time and often professional help in a form of domestic violence counseling to overcome these negative consequences.
Everyone deserves to feel valued, respected and safe, so abusive behavior is never acceptable in any relationship. But the danger of toxic relationships is that the abuse can be subtle and continue for years or even decades before someone realizes what’s going on.
Recognizing that your relationship is abusive is the first step to breaking free. Here are some subtle signs of domestic violence in relationships that don't include physical abuse.
[subscribe-form]
Isolating a partner from friends and family
It’s an early warning sign of domestic violence. An abusive partner may prevent or discourage you from visiting your
friends and
family alone and doing activities that you enjoy. They may always insist on accompanying you elsewhere and try to keep you from socializing.
For example, when you have plans to go out, they may beg you not to go or come up with a distraction. Or they might say that they don't like spending time with your family or friends, and only want to hang out with you alone. They might even start claiming that your family members are controlling you or that they don’t really care about you.
An abusive person uses these tactics to isolate the victim from their support system. Then it will be easier for them to establish control.
Trying to control a partner using gaslighting tactics
It’s a common form of emotional abuse that can leave the victim to question their memory, judgments, and perception of reality. An abusive partner may try to convince you that your
emotions, feelings and thoughts are wrong.
They may deny that specific events or arguments have happened or insist that you did something you didn’t. They may also deny their earlier promises, pretend they don’t understand you, and refuse to listen to you.
Gaslighting can make you feel like you’re losing your mind. Over time the person that is being
gaslighted may come to question all their own thoughts and becomes even more
dependent on the abuser.
Passing blame onto a partner
A person that is emotionally abusing you may deny responsibility for their own actions like cheating or yelling. They blame you for their toxic behavior or tell you that you deserve it, trying to make you feel that most things are your fault.
For example, they may point to actions that they claim you did wrong, and say that it “made them” abuse you. An abusive person may even suggest you’re the one with
anger issues, or say they only lose their temper because you’re such a difficult person.
They may constantly accuse you of
cheating even when they have no evidence to support this. They may even blame you for their problems when things go wrong. They might say their life would be better if only you’ve been a more supportive partner.
Your partner tries to control your actions
It may start with something that isn’t abusive at all and just seems like a normal relationship behavior when a person is caring. But over time, it builds into a pattern of control where an abusive partner wants to know where you are, who you are with, and what you're doing at all times.
They may constantly check in with you and ask what you’re doing and insist you respond to calls or texts immediately. They expect that you can be reachable at any point so not answering a phone can become a big deal.
They may demand your passwords to spy on you digitally and regularly check your emails, browsing history, texts, and call logs. They might even tell you what to
wear, what and how much to eat, how to clean the house, or which people you can spend time with.
Passive-aggressive tactics
Passive-aggressive comments and behaviors can be early warning signs that someone may become emotionally abusive. A passive-aggressive husband may use such tactics to exert their control over situations in a less direct or recognizable way.
Some passive-aggressive behaviors include:
- Making backhanded compliments
- Giving you the silent treatment
- Using sarcasm when responding to your requests
- Procrastinating when you’ve asked them to do something
- Making excuses rather than saying what is on their mind
[improve-banner]
Final thought
Non-physical domestic violence can harm a person mentally, emotionally and psychologically. If these warning signs are all too familiar, you should know that the abuse that is happening to you is not your fault, and you don’t have to live with it. Remember: no one deserves to be abused. Still, the only way to break the emotional abuse cycle is to take action so you can get the support you need.
Start by telling someone about the abuse, whether it's a trusted friend, family member, neighbor, coworker, or another close contact. Reach out to a
mental health professional, or consider seeking support from
Calmerry, where discussing the experience with a
therapist can help you rebuild your self-esteem that was damaged in the abusive relationship."
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Written by Iryna Horkovska on October, 2022
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string(10575) "Before going to see a therapist, people may have some
fear of reaching out for help. They worry about sharing their deepest
emotions with someone new, and they may worry about
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So, does therapy make you vulnerable? The answer is that yes, attending therapy requires a certain degree of vulnerability. Ultimately, opening up to a therapist helps you to heal and overcome whatever emotions, trauma, or
mental health issues brought you to therapy in the first place.
If you’re struggling with the need to be vulnerable in therapy, there are some strategies you can use to make the process easier.
What does it mean to be vulnerable in therapy?
Before learning about strategies for overcoming a fear of vulnerability, it’s important to understand what it means to be vulnerable with your therapist. A recent
report in the
Canadian Medical Association Journal described vulnerability as a situation in which someone could potentially experience physical or emotional harm.
So, what does vulnerability mean when it comes to therapy? In therapy, being vulnerable means exposing aspects of yourself that could be emotionally challenging to share with others. Vulnerability in therapy means that you are sharing private, potentially embarrassing, details of your life with your therapist. Doing so makes you vulnerable because it opens you up to judgment from others.
While being vulnerable can be a challenge, the ability to show vulnerability is actually a strength. Furthermore, it is through vulnerability that we can reach true healing.
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Learning to cope with feeling vulnerable after therapy
Feeling vulnerable is a natural response to opening up in therapy, and it’s important to maintain a certain degree of vulnerability so you can explore your emotions and experience the
growth that comes from working with a therapist. That being said, it can be uncomfortable to maintain your vulnerability during therapy sessions.
If you’re struggling with feeling vulnerable in response to therapy, the following strategies may ease some of your discomfort.
Remember the role of your therapist
It’s natural to worry about opening up to a stranger, but you may be more comfortable if you remind yourself of your therapist’s role. A therapist or counselor must create positive working
relationships with clients in distress, and this is
achieved primarily through strong interpersonal skills.
Therapists are able to facilitate strong working relationships with their clients through showing
empathy and positive regard. This means that therapists can place themselves in a client’s shoes, and they maintain unconditional respect and caring for clients, regardless of what the clients may share in therapy. In fact, a therapist who shows positive regard and empathy is likely to have a more positive effect on clients.
If you have difficulty with the concept of feeling vulnerable in therapy, and you have a difficult time opening up on an ongoing basis, remember that your therapist is not there to pass judgment. They aim to create a safe setting, in which you can be
honest and share your deepest concerns, experiences, and emotions.
Develop positive coping skills
Feeling vulnerable after therapy may mean that you sometimes find appointments with your therapist to be
stressful. Developing healthy coping skills can go a long way toward making vulnerability a little easier to manage. For instance, you may decide that you need to take some time for self-care after appointments. This may mean meeting up with a
friend for coffee, taking a walk or jog around the block, or simply doing something mindless like flipping through the pages of a magazine.
Setting
boundaries is also a healthy coping skill that can help you to become more comfortable with vulnerability in therapy. What this means is that you may have to take on fewer tasks, especially on the days when you have a therapy appointment. You might consider scheduling appointments later in the day after you’ve already fulfilled most of your obligations.
It can also be helpful to give yourself some time to emotionally process after an appointment. This can mean setting a boundary, and saying no to extra commitments or evening activities on therapy days.
Choose the right therapist
Having a therapist you connect with is perhaps the largest determining factor when it comes to whether or not you will be comfortable with being vulnerable. Your therapist should take the time to build a strong relationship with you, and you should feel at ease in your therapy sessions. The therapist should explain what you can expect in therapy, and you should feel as if you can trust them to be nonjudgmental and keep your story confidential.
It is helpful if you do some research before selecting a therapist. You might consider recommendations from people you know, or explore online information about therapists in your area to find one who seems to be a good fit. Most therapists provide brief autobiographies on their website, so you can learn more about their treatment philosophies and decide whether a particular clinician is a good match for your
needs and preferences.
If you’ve gone to a few sessions and it seems you just aren’t on the same wavelength, it may be time to look for a different therapist.
Practice being vulnerable
If you’re not accustomed to opening up to other people, it can take some practice before you’re comfortable being vulnerable with your therapist. With practice, you’ll notice that sharing your emotions becomes more natural. You can begin by taking the opportunity to communicate your feelings to your therapist.
If there is something going on in your life that is bothering you or causing
distress, practice sharing the specific feeling surrounding the situation. Maybe you’re feeling hurt by your significant other’s behavior, or maybe you’re feeling as if your efforts at work aren’t appreciated. Whatever it is, communicating exactly what you’re feeling is the first step in being vulnerable.
If sharing your feelings out loud is too uncomfortable, it can be helpful to write what you’re feeling in a
journal. Over time, you’ll be able to translate what you’ve written into meaningful conversation during therapy sessions.
[improve-banner]
Consider online therapy
Telemental health, or
online therapy, is becoming increasingly popular, and this may be a suitable option for those who struggle with feeling vulnerable after therapy. An online session allows you to meet with a therapist from the comfort and privacy of home, which may ease some of your fear and make you more comfortable with the process.
Research has supported online therapy as an effective method for patients with mental or emotional health conditions. In fact, a recent
review of research found that clients receiving online therapy reported a strong alliance with their therapists, despite receiving treatment online rather than face-to-face. If you choose online therapy, you can still expect your therapist to have strong skills, including the ability to show empathy and build a trusting relationship with you.
Feeling vulnerable after therapy is a natural response to opening up to a therapist, but this is part of the healing process. If you feel more comfortable opening up in an online setting, Calmerry is here to help. We offer online therapy to treat a variety of problems, including anxiety, grief, and family conflict. Visit our
website today to get started."
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mental health issues brought you to therapy in the first place.
If you’re struggling with the need to be vulnerable in therapy, there are some strategies you can use to make the process easier.
What does it mean to be vulnerable in therapy?
Before learning about strategies for overcoming a fear of vulnerability, it’s important to understand what it means to be vulnerable with your therapist. A recent
report in the
Canadian Medical Association Journal described vulnerability as a situation in which someone could potentially experience physical or emotional harm.
So, what does vulnerability mean when it comes to therapy? In therapy, being vulnerable means exposing aspects of yourself that could be emotionally challenging to share with others. Vulnerability in therapy means that you are sharing private, potentially embarrassing, details of your life with your therapist. Doing so makes you vulnerable because it opens you up to judgment from others.
While being vulnerable can be a challenge, the ability to show vulnerability is actually a strength. Furthermore, it is through vulnerability that we can reach true healing.
[subscribe-form]
Learning to cope with feeling vulnerable after therapy
Feeling vulnerable is a natural response to opening up in therapy, and it’s important to maintain a certain degree of vulnerability so you can explore your emotions and experience the
growth that comes from working with a therapist. That being said, it can be uncomfortable to maintain your vulnerability during therapy sessions.
If you’re struggling with feeling vulnerable in response to therapy, the following strategies may ease some of your discomfort.
Remember the role of your therapist
It’s natural to worry about opening up to a stranger, but you may be more comfortable if you remind yourself of your therapist’s role. A therapist or counselor must create positive working
relationships with clients in distress, and this is
achieved primarily through strong interpersonal skills.
Therapists are able to facilitate strong working relationships with their clients through showing
empathy and positive regard. This means that therapists can place themselves in a client’s shoes, and they maintain unconditional respect and caring for clients, regardless of what the clients may share in therapy. In fact, a therapist who shows positive regard and empathy is likely to have a more positive effect on clients.
If you have difficulty with the concept of feeling vulnerable in therapy, and you have a difficult time opening up on an ongoing basis, remember that your therapist is not there to pass judgment. They aim to create a safe setting, in which you can be
honest and share your deepest concerns, experiences, and emotions.
Develop positive coping skills
Feeling vulnerable after therapy may mean that you sometimes find appointments with your therapist to be
stressful. Developing healthy coping skills can go a long way toward making vulnerability a little easier to manage. For instance, you may decide that you need to take some time for self-care after appointments. This may mean meeting up with a
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Setting
boundaries is also a healthy coping skill that can help you to become more comfortable with vulnerability in therapy. What this means is that you may have to take on fewer tasks, especially on the days when you have a therapy appointment. You might consider scheduling appointments later in the day after you’ve already fulfilled most of your obligations.
It can also be helpful to give yourself some time to emotionally process after an appointment. This can mean setting a boundary, and saying no to extra commitments or evening activities on therapy days.
Choose the right therapist
Having a therapist you connect with is perhaps the largest determining factor when it comes to whether or not you will be comfortable with being vulnerable. Your therapist should take the time to build a strong relationship with you, and you should feel at ease in your therapy sessions. The therapist should explain what you can expect in therapy, and you should feel as if you can trust them to be nonjudgmental and keep your story confidential.
It is helpful if you do some research before selecting a therapist. You might consider recommendations from people you know, or explore online information about therapists in your area to find one who seems to be a good fit. Most therapists provide brief autobiographies on their website, so you can learn more about their treatment philosophies and decide whether a particular clinician is a good match for your
needs and preferences.
If you’ve gone to a few sessions and it seems you just aren’t on the same wavelength, it may be time to look for a different therapist.
Practice being vulnerable
If you’re not accustomed to opening up to other people, it can take some practice before you’re comfortable being vulnerable with your therapist. With practice, you’ll notice that sharing your emotions becomes more natural. You can begin by taking the opportunity to communicate your feelings to your therapist.
If there is something going on in your life that is bothering you or causing
distress, practice sharing the specific feeling surrounding the situation. Maybe you’re feeling hurt by your significant other’s behavior, or maybe you’re feeling as if your efforts at work aren’t appreciated. Whatever it is, communicating exactly what you’re feeling is the first step in being vulnerable.
If sharing your feelings out loud is too uncomfortable, it can be helpful to write what you’re feeling in a
journal. Over time, you’ll be able to translate what you’ve written into meaningful conversation during therapy sessions.
[improve-banner]
Consider online therapy
Telemental health, or
online therapy, is becoming increasingly popular, and this may be a suitable option for those who struggle with feeling vulnerable after therapy. An online session allows you to meet with a therapist from the comfort and privacy of home, which may ease some of your fear and make you more comfortable with the process.
Research has supported online therapy as an effective method for patients with mental or emotional health conditions. In fact, a recent
review of research found that clients receiving online therapy reported a strong alliance with their therapists, despite receiving treatment online rather than face-to-face. If you choose online therapy, you can still expect your therapist to have strong skills, including the ability to show empathy and build a trusting relationship with you.
Feeling vulnerable after therapy is a natural response to opening up to a therapist, but this is part of the healing process. If you feel more comfortable opening up in an online setting, Calmerry is here to help. We offer online therapy to treat a variety of problems, including anxiety, grief, and family conflict. Visit our
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Written by Dr. Jenni Jacobsen on October, 2022
